Good Morning Spark

[TwoTonTony]

here is one....

It is Ms. Jones 5th grade biology class and the excercise for the day is the teacher points to a body part and then a student tells what the part is and what it does....

They have already gone through the heart, lungs, brain, kidneys, liver and most vital organs....

Next Ms. Jones points to the penis.....

Little Sparky can not contain himself and raises his hand and Ms. Jones calls on him..

he says, "my dad has 2 penises"...which brings a confused look to Ms. Jones' face and she asks,...."can you explain that to the class Sparky"?

So Sparky obliges and says. "My Dad has a real small one he pees out of, and a really big one that he brushes the babysitters teeth with"!!!

[CHICAGODOG]

yo' mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!!!

[rwall]

OLd Man Spark & his doctor

Old Man Spark goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't smell and are silent.

The Doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week Spark goes back, "Doctor," he says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent, stink terribly."

"Good," the doctor said, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

[Kaptain]

rwall and LSU were invited to an elk hunt in Clorado (compliments of the Kapt)--all expenses paid...rwall being the sharpshooter and LSU being of Cajun heritage figured they would show those Rocky Mountain locals a thing or two about hunting...LSU and rwall took off, and got no further than 150 yards from the cabin and came upon a monstrous 14 pt Elk....rwall sighted er in, fired, and in a split second, the prize Elk was downed...

LSU tells rwall--what a shot...They then attempted to carry the Elk back to the camp, but found out it weighed about 350-400 lbs...too heavy for them to tote...so LSU being the wise Cajun hunter he is, tells rwall--"lets just drag this bad boy back to the camp, it's only about 150 yards.." well--they proceed to start dragging the Elk towards the camp, but problems persisted...They drug for a 1/2 hr, and the Elk was just 30 fott closer to the camp...The Elks "Massive 14 pt rack" kept getting hung up in the ***** briar patches and heavy bushes...They were continually stopping to unsnarl his horns...
A local (guy named Spark) came by and was observing this Massive Elk, and their difficulty dragging it back to the Camp...LSU and rwall explained to the local (Spark) that the Elks horns kept getting hung up while trying to drag it to the camp...The local (Spark--being the nice guy he is) expalined to them, that all they had to do was grab the Elk by the Rack and drag it like that, thus his horns would not get hung up...They thanked the local (Spark) as he went about his business....
LSU and Rwall started dragging the Elk (Antlers in hand)--so his horns wouldn't get hung up...They drug for about 2 hours, and LSU looked at rwall and said "Man that local guy (Spark) was some smart---the Elks horns aren't getting hung up at all"..
RWALL lokked up at LSU---breathing hard, sweating profusely, irritated --and said "Yeh, but we're getting further and further from the Camp"...

I can picture it fellows...what a pair to draw to...kapt

Just another classic example of Spark trying to share some knowledge with the lesser intelligent people in the world, and they, as usual, don't understand....Hows this for a backfire Spark in a thread designed to bust your balls...kapt

[Spark]

hahaha I was wondering what happened to my jokes wally ... Thanks ...

Good One kapt ... Thanks, I need some support around here ...

[rwall]

When sailing ships ruled the waves, Kaptain KMann and his Krew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the Krew became frantic, the Kaptain bellowed to his First Mate, "Spark Bring me my red shirt!". Spark quickly retrieved the Kaptain's red shirt,which the Kaptain put on and lead the Krew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the Krew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, LSUFan screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The Krew cowered in fear, but the Kaptain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Kaptain and his Krew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when ensign MoonDog looked to the Kaptain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Kaptain, giving the MonDog a look that only a Kaptain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such an old man.

As dawn came the next morning, LSUFan screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Kaptain for his usual command. The Kaptain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

[rwall]

JMarty takes his father to the retirement home. Grandpa Spark doesn't want to go, but the family insists. On the first night, Grandpa Spark is settling in when a gorgeous nurse enters and tucks him in. Spark gets a hard-on, she sees it, and she climbs aboard.

The next morning Grandpa Spark calls his son Jmary and tells him he's changed his mind. Now he LIKES the retirement home.

The next night Grandpa Spark is heading for bed when he trips and falls face first on the floor. A big male orderly sees him, drops his trousers, and sodomizes the old man.

The next morning, Spark calls his son Jmarty and tells him he no longer likes the retirement home.

"But yesterday you told me you loved it there.." says Marty.

"Yeah, but you don't understand. I only get an erection once a month, but I fall down nearly every day."

[Lsufan]

Kapt. Somehow I missed that joke on the 23rd. Classic!!

Rwall, thoses are great...Spark falling down everyday ~ He must have the fainting goat syndrome.

[RJeremy]

I love how this turned into another bashing SPARK thread!!!

Poor guy is gonna think he's almost dead with some of these jokes!!!

[Spark]

Oh Yeah, I love it too

hahahaha Good one Wally

[Lsufan]

...Rwall, thoses are great...Spark falling down everyday ~ He must have the fainting goat syndrome.

I can just picture Spark running around the halls of the nursing home with a big male orderly chasing him with an umbrella. When he spooks Spark by popping open the umbrella, Spark falls and they start pounding him in the ass. LMAO

[Spark]

Just looking at some of your past threads wally ... these are great ... hahahaha

[rwall]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She
killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral
did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

[Meg30]

i love this thread! Good Morning Rusty Bubbles!!

[rwall]

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."

She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."

The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job."

She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."

Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"

The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley."

The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.

The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?"

He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!"

The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Jimmy and I'm on my way to a costume party!"