Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus... so shut the hell up."
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Originally posted by garthKB, there is a buffet like Dime is describing down in Moore, just off I-35 and SE 19th, I think. A Chinese colleague of mine took me down there one day. They have too many items to sample even 1/2 of them...they even have a Sushi station.
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The Hippy & The Nun
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A hippy gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her:
Can we have sex ?"
No,"
she replies,
"I'm married to God."
She then stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippy and says
"I can tell you how to have sex with her !"
Yeah?", says the hippy.
Yeah", says the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every
Tuesday night at midnight to pray.
So all you have to do is dress
up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder
stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God"
The hippy decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery
dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face, "I have ordained it. You must have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to restrict
himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity.
God agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with her.
As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha!," he cries.
"I am the hippy!"
"Ha-ha!," cries the nun.
"I'm the bus driver."
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Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, Not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood....sure enough he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells!
"Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion too!"
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop!
I'm starting to suspect the worst, my wife came home with no panties!
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said: From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.
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Originally posted by 10DimeBrythis buffet has everything. it has over 60 diff items. 8 stations. its no joke. you can have hot turkey with mashed potatos,corn, beef on a stick,pulled pork and on and on if you want. All for 6.99.
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Originally posted by 10DimeBryi heard living in hawaii is like living in vegas......if you aint making 6 figures you aint makin it.
So taking him to get KB'd and meet Bry's wife
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Originally posted by Ldawgcheck with the sparkanator down at the Old Geezer Translation Center !
Glad to hear you're feelin' better Kid .... don't over do it !
PS - You do know what a PS2 is don't you ?
Dawg, its official. You speak Chunganese full time. Congrats buddy
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TEN THINGS TO PONDER FOR TODAY
10. Life is sexually transmitted
10a The leading cause of death is birth.
9. Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: hungry and horney. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
7. give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a slinky--not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
4. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
3, Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents???
2. In the 60's people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT Today: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge
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Originally posted by BillMill71Actually NY to Charlotte to Hawaii now back to NY in an 8 year period.
Made 80K + out there in Hawaii and said he couldn't live
i heard living in hawaii is like living in vegas......if you aint making 6 figures you aint makin it.
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Originally posted by 10DimeBryhawaii to NY WTF??? man and i thought my life was bad.
Made 80K + out there in Hawaii and said he couldn't live
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Originally posted by kbsooner21geez
Glad to hear you're feelin' better Kid .... don't over do it !
PS - You do know what a PS2 is don't you ?
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Originally posted by LdawgLater peeps .... one quick round of NFS Carbon ...afore the dawg heads to you know where ...
thanks for the caveman shit chung .... I can't wait to try it down at my fav Rub N Tug ... ;sexmiss:geez
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