Still Shooting ... This Time From Both Hips May 22, 2007

[CoverBoy]

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Most of you who are familiar with “Hip” already know the deal by now ... Among other things I hammer away at over rated athletes until they are traded, cut altogether , or thrown in jail. Once in a while we hit the trifecta , all three with the same sorry – ass douchebag.

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I ran this one by Cheech a while back and he's convinced I can pull it off ........

An Open Challenge To Shaquille O’Neal .....


You and Me Pal …. Regulation Full Court … 48 Minutes … 3 Referees … Same # of Time Outs … Your NBA Rules … Blah Blah Blah … Whatever .


I’m faster than you and I’ll shoot good enough to win.


If you can’t make free throws ( and you won't ) it will be a blow out …


Gonna Run You Til You Drop ….


By the middle of the 2nd quarter the paramedics will be called in to flat bed your Fat Exhausted Ass directly to the nearest hospital.



HEY O’NEAL … WHAT TIME IS IT ?




ALL DAY, BABY


ALL DAY

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Here’s a joke that I heard the other night :


This lady goes to the gynecologist for the first time ... the doc steps up to the plate and examines her twozzle

Doc: “ Ms. Gimble, you have a very large vagina .... you have a very large vagina “

Ms. Gimble: “ OK , but did you have to say it twice ? “

Doc: “ I DIDN’T “

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Simon Cowell continues to mislead us …

by insisting that American Idol is a SINGING COMPETITION ...

After watching the shows, the truth is … it’s anything but.





Now this monstrosity now happens to be a –350 fave at Pinnacle to win it all

“ MMMMmmmmm … Steaks , spare ribs , mashed potatoes with gravy , a pile of french fries , and 3 Strawberry malteds …. What !!!! no sweet potato pies ????? “

… after the song she ate that stuffed toy too





How Sickening !!!



In a related matter: As an effort to shore up their defense for the upcoming season, The Dallas Cowboys are currently in talks with Filippi Sparks.

Sparks insisted that he’s going to remain retired. The Cowboys laughed and said they weren’t interested in him.


“ No, not you , Fool … The feeling is that your daughter will fill in quite nicely at defensive tackle ”

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Hey you stupid assholes ...




Well I fucked you again, didn’t I ???

Hahahahahahahahahaha

Do I care ??? … don’t make me laugh.

I couldn’t give 2 steaming Bratwursts whether Dallas wins or loses … just as long as I’M MVP and that sucker Mark Cuban pays ME a ton of money … after all , what else matters ?



(Obviously … nothing , Dirk)

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Can you hear the time bomb ticking ? ....


I don’t know … but there’s something very creepy about “ Lefty ” and I can’t put my finger on it.


Maybe it’s that phony smile …


Or that bobble headed , lurched out way he walks … like a stalker




I just don’t know ….


Why do I get the feeling that this guy is one lipped - out putt away from pulling an automatic weapon out of his golf bag and taking out half the crowd late one Sunday afternoon ?

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Now , to Golf’s more aesthetic side ….



LPGA Tour Cutie Natalie Gulbis

THERE'S MORE HIP .... SCROLL DOWN





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[tech fan]

Nice job man you were missed badly around here.Glad you are back.

[CoverBoy]

Continued

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One Funny SOB

Do yourselves a big favor and log on to YouTube


There are a whole bunch of hysterical clips but my 2 favorite skits are Bobby Lee and John Cena , and Bobby and Ike’s Football Game. Search both of those.


Check 'em out


Extremely Funny Shit.

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Remember this fool ?

The Chargers sure do.

He bilked them out of millions.

So where is he now ?

He’s the golf coach for West Texas State University located in Canyon Texas , a town so small that everyone living there can rip their phone book in 2 pieces.


Imagine him waddling up to the first tee , duck hooking his drive through some schnook’s condo window …. then running away and hiding out in the woods for 3 days.


By the way his team finished 7th in their division last year …. The highlight was when one of his poor bastards missed a 3 foot putt on the 18th green … Leaf charged at him and kneed him in the nuts.

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Man was I wrong …..


I called Tennessee QB Vince Young a pork chop and said he’d be a bust.

Instead , he’s become an exciting player and a real difference maker for The Titans.

He made us money last season

Here’s hoping he’ll keep up the nice work.

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Quiz Question:

So who are my favorite whipping boy QB’s in the NFL ?

Well if you’ve read “Hip” at all the answer is easy …



Joey ( Fruitcake ) Harrington

David ( Tinkerbell ) Carr

Donovan ( The Soup Salesman ) Mc Nabb

Duante ( The Lazy Bastard ) Culpepper


And unless I miss my guess , in a very short while I’ll be adding another beauty into the mix:

Brady Quinn


The kid has no game


It will be fun to see the ass kickings he’ll be getting most every Sunday, and ever funnier when Romeo kicks his fat ass out of town.


Until then , this Schnook will provide us with lots of money making opportunities when the time is right.


BTW … Mark your calendar … Cleveland plays at Baltimore on Sunday November 18th. Maybe … just maybe …. Quinn will be the starting QB by then.


Oh baby … what a shellackin’ he will get.

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In his infamous train wreck one sentence fatal error, had Don Imus replaced “ Nappy Haired “ with “ Point Shaving” he would still have a job.

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So I had my tongue up this Chic’s Kootch the other day ….


When all of a sudden her husband comes home early. ( dontcha hate when that happens ? )


So I scramble around pickin up my stuff , then the damn bedroom window is jammed .


I hide in the bathroom.


He comes in and rips back the shower curtain … all aggravated … like an asshole.


He looks at me and screams : WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN HERE ???


I said : "VOTING"

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See ya next time

-CB

[molta02]

as always, a great read. good to have the 'hip back.

[GrandPa]

Now THIS is quality free entertainment

[ctt8410]

Thanks for the laugh, CB.

[jcindaville]

I always loved the word TWOZZLE. lol

[Spark]

hahahahaha excellent as usual


Thanks Neil ... Thanks Neil ...



I only said it once!!!

[Kaptain]

good job....good job
thanks.....thanks....
hilarious......hilarious
kaptain....kaptain

[longnex]

[10DimeBry]

great to see CB. i love Gulbis

[bdr60613]

Funny stuff, CB. I think Romeo's gone well before Quinn though. Would not be surprised to see him gone by week 9. Glad to see "Shooting From the Hip" back in this forum. I missed the observations and the humor. GL this year.

[PhilJr]

Good stuff as always, thanks

[drugstuntman]

The city of San Diego begs you to refrain from any additional Cryin' Ryan Leaf references. Thank you.

[griffey_mojo]

Thanks Neil!

Funny as always!