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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an
>>important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
>>Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me
>>a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me
>>life and
>>give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
>> Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
>>
>>Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
>>man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do
>>Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the
>>wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got
>>to heaven?"
>> "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there
>>against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up
>>to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? O'Toole said,
>>"No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You
>>mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
>>O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a
>>group together to go right now."
>>
>>O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that
>>time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his
>>conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
>> "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
>>stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the
>>priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a
>>Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got
>>the lumber."
>>
>>Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the
>>traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
>>traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the
>>traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still
>>stood on the sidewalk.
>>After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy
>>went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the
>>Catholics across?"
>>
>>Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
>>in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
>>friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say
>>I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin'
>>from?"
>>
>>An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
>>speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
>>priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
>>the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water,"
>>says the priest.
>>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at
>>the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>>
>>Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me
>>a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." Oh
>>yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over,"
>>Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees. "Really,"
>>said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said,
>>"Come out from under the bed, you little chicken shit"
>>important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
>>Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me
>>a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me
>>life and
>>give up me Irish Whiskey". Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
>> Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
>>
>>Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first
>>man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do
>>Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the
>>wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got
>>to heaven?"
>> "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there
>>against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up
>>to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? O'Toole said,
>>"No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You
>>mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
>>O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a
>>group together to go right now."
>>
>>O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that
>>time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his
>>conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
>> "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
>>stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the
>>priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a
>>Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got
>>the lumber."
>>
>>Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the
>>traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
>>traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the
>>traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still
>>stood on the sidewalk.
>>After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy
>>went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the
>>Catholics across?"
>>
>>Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read
>>in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best
>>friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say
>>I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin'
>>from?"
>>
>>An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
>>speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
>>priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of
>>the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water,"
>>says the priest.
>>The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at
>>the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
>>
>>Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me
>>a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." Oh
>>yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over,"
>>Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees. "Really,"
>>said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said,
>>"Come out from under the bed, you little chicken shit"