Tweet
Tuesday September 20, 2005
By MARK MILLER
INNSBRUCK, Austria -- It's been suspected for centuries, but a team of world-renowned scientists has finally confirmed it: Lawyers and leeches have identical genetic makeup.
Dr. Andreas Volkenweiler of Austria's famed Innsbruck Institute of Genetic Research confirms that, "While studying the DNA sequences of many genes that control body patterns in various occupations, our research team observed that each lawyer gene contains a stretch of 180 nucleotides -- or structural components of DNA -- which exactly match the structure of those found in leeches.
"Once we made that basic match, other similarities between the two species were fairly easy to observe." Those similarities include the facts that both lawyers and leeches are:
Famed for their blood-sucking abilities.
Have large round mouths functioning as suckers to hold on to their hosts.
Have fine, conical teeth.
Are recognized for being the lowest, sleaziest and slimiest of their species.
Thrive in the bottom-mud and ooze of existence.
Partial to consuming the blood of fish, frogs and turtles.
Equally popular in social situations.
The American Bar Association is proceeding with a defamation of character lawsuit, but Dr. Volkenweiler is not worried. "We haven't stated anything that's not a documented fact," he says.
By MARK MILLER
INNSBRUCK, Austria -- It's been suspected for centuries, but a team of world-renowned scientists has finally confirmed it: Lawyers and leeches have identical genetic makeup.
Dr. Andreas Volkenweiler of Austria's famed Innsbruck Institute of Genetic Research confirms that, "While studying the DNA sequences of many genes that control body patterns in various occupations, our research team observed that each lawyer gene contains a stretch of 180 nucleotides -- or structural components of DNA -- which exactly match the structure of those found in leeches.
"Once we made that basic match, other similarities between the two species were fairly easy to observe." Those similarities include the facts that both lawyers and leeches are:
Famed for their blood-sucking abilities.
Have large round mouths functioning as suckers to hold on to their hosts.
Have fine, conical teeth.
Are recognized for being the lowest, sleaziest and slimiest of their species.
Thrive in the bottom-mud and ooze of existence.
Partial to consuming the blood of fish, frogs and turtles.
Equally popular in social situations.
The American Bar Association is proceeding with a defamation of character lawsuit, but Dr. Volkenweiler is not worried. "We haven't stated anything that's not a documented fact," he says.