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I love these, especially #9.
Why do we love children? *They brighten our DAY!*
>
> 1) *NUDITY*
>
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
> evening when a
> woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
> She was stark
> naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
> 5-year-old shout from the
> back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing her seat
> belt!'
>
> 2) *OPINIONS*
>
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
> teacher a note from
> his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by
> this child are not
> necessarily those of his parents.'
>
> 3) *KETCHUP*
>
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
> During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
> daughter to answer the
> phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
> you right now. She's
> hitting the bottle.'
>
> 4) *MORE NUDITY*
>
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
> women's locker
> room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
> with ladies grabbing
> towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then
> asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
> seen a little boy before?'
>
> 5) *POLICE # 1*
>
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
> school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up
> and down at my
> uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
> answered and continued writing
> the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should
> ask the police. Is
> that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
> her. 'Well, then,' she said as she
> extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
> shoe?'
>
> 6) *POLICE # 2*
>
> It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
> front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
> was barking, and
> I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
> got back there?' he
> asked.
>
> 'It sure is,' I replied.
>
> Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
> the van. Finally
> he said, 'What'd he do?'
>
> 7) *ELDERLY*
>
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
> elderly shut-ins,
> I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
> rounds. She was
> unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the
> canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring
> at a pair of
> false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
> inevitable
> barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
> 'The tooth fairy will
> never believe this!'
>
> 8) *DRESS-UP*
>
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
> When she saw her
> dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
> shouldn't wear that suit.'
>
> 'And why not, darling?'
>
> 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
> morning.'
>
> 9) *DEATH*
>
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
> our minister heard
> the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his
> 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper
> burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
> and cotton batting,
> then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
> deceased.
>
> The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
> prayers and with
> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
> father always
> said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
> and into the hole
> hegoooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
>
> 10) *SCHOOL*
>
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
> 'I'm just wasting
> my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
> read, I can't write, and they
> won't let me talk!'
>
> 11)* BIBLE*
>
> A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated
> as he fingered
> through the old pages Suddenly, something fell out of the
> Bible. He picked
> up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
> that had been
> pressed in between the pages.
>
> 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
> 'What have you got there,
> dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
> he answered, 'I think
> it's Adam's underwear!'
>
>
>
> *IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND
> FORGET IT*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Why do we love children? *They brighten our DAY!*
>
> 1) *NUDITY*
>
> I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
> evening when a
> woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
> She was stark
> naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
> 5-year-old shout from the
> back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing her seat
> belt!'
>
> 2) *OPINIONS*
>
> On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
> teacher a note from
> his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by
> this child are not
> necessarily those of his parents.'
>
> 3) *KETCHUP*
>
> A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
> During her
> struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
> daughter to answer the
> phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
> you right now. She's
> hitting the bottle.'
>
> 4) *MORE NUDITY*
>
> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
> women's locker
> room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
> with ladies grabbing
> towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
> amazement and then
> asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
> seen a little boy before?'
>
> 5) *POLICE # 1*
>
> While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
> school, I was
> interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up
> and down at my
> uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
> answered and continued writing
> the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should
> ask the police. Is
> that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told
> her. 'Well, then,' she said as she
> extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
> shoe?'
>
> 6) *POLICE # 2*
>
> It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
> front of the
> station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
> was barking, and
> I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you
> got back there?' he
> asked.
>
> 'It sure is,' I replied.
>
> Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
> the van. Finally
> he said, 'What'd he do?'
>
> 7) *ELDERLY*
>
> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
> elderly shut-ins,
> I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
> rounds. She was
> unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
> particularly the
> canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring
> at a pair of
> false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
> inevitable
> barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
> 'The tooth fairy will
> never believe this!'
>
> 8) *DRESS-UP*
>
> A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
> When she saw her
> dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you
> shouldn't wear that suit.'
>
> 'And why not, darling?'
>
> 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
> morning.'
>
> 9) *DEATH*
>
> While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church,
> our minister heard
> the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
> Apparently, his
> 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
> Feeling that proper
> burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
> and cotton batting,
> then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
> deceased.
>
> The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
> prayers and with
> sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
> father always
> said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
> and into the hole
> hegoooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
>
> 10) *SCHOOL*
>
> A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
> 'I'm just wasting
> my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
> read, I can't write, and they
> won't let me talk!'
>
> 11)* BIBLE*
>
> A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated
> as he fingered
> through the old pages Suddenly, something fell out of the
> Bible. He picked
> up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
> that had been
> pressed in between the pages.
>
> 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
> 'What have you got there,
> dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice,
> he answered, 'I think
> it's Adam's underwear!'
>
>
>
> *IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND
> FORGET IT*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See how Windows Mobile brings your life together-at home, work, or on the go. See Now