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Dear Jane....

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  • Dear Jane....

    Dear wife:

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

    I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
    it.

    These last two weeks have been hell.

    Your boss called to tell me that yo quit your job today and that was the
    last straw.

    Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
    had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk
    boxers.

    You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
    your soaps.

    You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
    connects us as husband and wife.

    Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the
    case, I'm gone.

    Your EX-Husband
    < BR>P.S . don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
    V irginia together! Have a great life!



    Dear Ex-Husband

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

    It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
    man is a far cry from what you've been.

    I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and
    griping. Too bad that doesn't work

    I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
    came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not
    to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

    And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
    MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

    About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price
    tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my si s ter
    had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

    Af ter all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So
    when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
    two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything
    happens for a reason, I guess.

    I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
    the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

    Signed,
    Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

    P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
    Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
    Good Luck to everyone
    Adam

    Richie: [after Gus hits a homerun] Wow and he did it without steroids.
    Clark: What's steroids?
    Richie: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller.
    Clark: There must be steroids in macaroni!
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