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The Man Test

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  • The Man Test

    1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
    A. Lovemaking
    B. Screwing
    C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town


    2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both
    shared:
    A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
    B. Your blood-test results
    C. Five tequila slammers

    3. You time your orgasm so that:
    A. Your partner climaxes first.
    B. You both climax simultaneously
    C. You don't miss Sports Center.

    4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
    A. Healthy, creative love-play.
    B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
    C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.

    5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
    A. The best part of the experience.
    B. The second best part of the experience.
    C. $100 extra.

    6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
    A. No concern of yours.
    B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
    C. A conservative estimate.

    7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
    A. A myth.
    B. An oxymoron.
    C. A Moron .

    8. Foreplay is to sex as:
    A. Appetizer is to entree.
    B. Primer is to paint.
    C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

    9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
    B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
    C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

    Evaluating Results:

    If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
    If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
    If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!"
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